The Great Pigeon Uprising

pigeonSome of us have always known the pigeons were going to take over.

It was only a matter of when.

You could seem them plotting. Conspiring under bridges. Congregating in town squares.

Biding their time.

Until the moment came. It was the bread that did it. Great collections of tiny, rock hard bread crumbs collected over years and years.

The pigeons rained them down on the unsuspecting humans, so naive in their casual bird feeding customs they’d never seen it coming.

Once the humans were out, the pigeons wrapped them in sheets made of stolen laundry scraps and flew them to their underground lair.

When the humans awoke, the pigeons were staring at them. At first they didn’t understand, but then the lead pigeon, a hulking purple and grey creature with sharp yellow eyes, unfurled a long scroll. There, carefully pecked out, was the new world order.

Only humans accepting their pigeon overlords would be let back out into the sunshine. They could resume life in their homes but the pigeons had seized control of the food supply. They’d be running all farms and kitchens the world over and humans would need to congregate in town squares and near ponds to collect their rations.

All fast moving vehicles that could be a danger to pigeon safety were banned.

Humans were commanded to plant fruit trees in their yards and place all harvested produce outside in baskets as an ongoing show of compliance and deference to pigeon rule.

Most of the humans were shocked. At first, a large percentage refused to comply and were stuck living underground and surviving on years old bread crumbs. But slowly they fell in line.

Those who’d seen the pigeon uprising coming could’ve said I told you so. But what was the good in that? Humans had never paid enough attention to what was happening right in front of them.

They dreamed of organizing an uprising of their own. But first they’d need to unite their fellow humans and slowly try to wean many of them off their stolen fruit addictions.

They had hope. But for now, there were apricots and figs to pick and payments to be made.


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